According to the news, this is news. This is a cold snap breaking many – 5? – years long records of cold snaps (records of cold snaps to be found in the local wine cellars from the 1940s).
I heard from someone who heard from another someone, who heard from yet another someone that these are unusual winter days. Now – don’t leap to worldwide climate change theses just yet. This (the first) someone had noticed that things are still blooming or starting to bloom when they’re meant to be dormant. Which, as was orated, means that there will be no skiing ever again.
Oh no! I love to ski! So, I’ve commissioned a (snap?) poll of Valley folk. Of course, we’ll not know when or if we can ever ski again, at least not until the results are released, but I’m hopeful the results (failing which, a KV delegation) will have an immediate and galvanizing effect on those managing said slopes.
Meanwhile, I’m nurturing a teenaged tomato plant who also doesn’t know which way is up – she’s thriving and refusing to hear that she ought not be.
I refer her to the wombats. They know. They’ll take care. They built underground tiny homes for any and all back in the day.
I’ve tried finding a wombat for comment, but they refuse. Humble or just fed up with being misunderstood? I can’t tell, they won’t answer my calls.
Dear Dr H;
As a local minding my own business I was rather abruptly waylaid this week by a couple whom I can only presume were tourists. ‘When was the Village so inundated with Flying Foxes?’ they yelled, (affecting deafness over a relatively mild cacophony of screeches) adding, I believe, ‘t’wasn’t like this in my day’.
I inexplicably apologised for the overabundance of bats and went on my way.
My question: Was I wrong to have apologised? Do the bats not have a say here – or perhaps they are having their say far too much and said couple had a point?
What should I have done/should I do next time I’m challenged with pointed bat related remarks?
Bat befuddled, KV
Dear Befuddled;
I can only imagine your chagrin upon being beleaguered by beleaguering bat botherers with the bat problem as if it were your doing! Please accept my own apologies on behalf of loud bat- bewildered everywhere and do please pass these apologies directly on to the bats. (They’ll understand).
My response. First: while it is true that there is such a thing as too many bats, there is also such a thing as too many tourists. And there is definitely such a thing as too many bat-objecting tourists who waft into town, pronounce their objections and waft out again, without a second’s thought for the traumatized locals they’ve held responsible for the overabundance of bats. (Though they did say ‘in my day’ – in which case they may be returned locals – in which case, set aside some caution and restraint for future encounters).
My advice: next time would-be bat battlers seek to waylay you, climb the nearest tree, dive into the nearest bush, take shelter in the nearest holy place. In short – avoid them at all costs.
If, however, you find yourself spotted – feign deafness and/or foreignness.
Then, when they give up, sally forth with head held high, knowing that you have refused to exacerbate the baffling being of bat-billions on your bimble.
Dr H
