Year 6 Luka was itching to start high school. Entering a cohort of 200-and-something students, a huge jump from my Year 6 class of eighteen people, was really exciting. I was a shy kid but I always felt extremely nurtured in the valley, being part of such a safe, tight-knit community. Making friends in the Valley was easy for me, so I expected it to be the same in high school.
But when I got there it all became extremely daunting. For a start, making friends was harder than I expected. In the Valley, friendships developed naturally because we were limited in numbers, forced to hang out with the same small group of people all the time. But in a year group of over 200 pupils, there was such a vast selection of people you could try to befriend. I had no idea how to put myself out there to these kids I had no prior connection to.
As I began to watch my Kangaroo Valley peers swiftly branch out and form their own friend groups, I felt lost. How were they adjusting to this new environment so easily?
I would sit in class and nervously scan the room, hoping that someone would come up and speak to me. But if this were to happen, my fear of embarrassment left me lost for words. Since approaching people seemed impossible, I convinced myself that acting mysterious and seclusive would intrigue my peers and draw them to me. Unsurprisingly, this didn’t work.
I managed to source a group of friends, most of whom I was introduced to through other people, but I felt frustrated and disheartened at my inability to socialise “normally”. Focussing on my academics gave me purpose because it was the only thing I felt I had control of.
Chevalier College’s version of a yearly camp was known as a “retreat”; two days spent sitting in small groups and discussing self-worth, Catholicism and the school’s values. During my earlier years, sharing my thoughts with people I hardly knew was a huge source of fear for me. Inside I really wanted to contribute to the conversation, I just couldn’t find the courage. At the end of every annual retreat, we had to write affirmations about the other members of our group. Writing affirmations for new people was already challenging so given how quiet I was, most described me as seeming “nice” or “smart”.
As I continued to watch my same-age Valley peers thriving socially, I felt jealous; jealous that they could go out and speak to whomever they wanted, try new activities without fear of ridicule, and gain recognition from other students. I resented them for their abilities to seamlessly integrate themselves into these new crowds, and I started to push some of my closest friends away.
I played netball for the school as a way to hopefully expand my social circles, but was still unable to shake my overwhelming shyness and fear of being judged by my teammates. They were all such friendly, vibrant people, yet I was terrified. I particularly dreaded team bus trips which I spent sitting alone, listening to their cheerful banter.
It is no surprise that mental health struggles are prominent during adolescence. Findings from June 2020 showed that 1 in 3 young Aussies reported experiencing high or very high levels of psychological distress (Headspace). Notably, the prevalence of social media can play a huge role in how young people view themselves and others.
In no way do I feel sorry for my past self. I did have some incredible friends in high school and am extremely fortunate to have a close, loving family that supported me in receiving the help I needed for my anxiety. In Year 10, I consulted with a medical professional, which is when things got better. The clouds of anxiety that swamped my thoughts began to lift. I met more people and was able to express myself.
Learning from Home adjustments since COVID have raised discussions regarding whether permanently offering remote schooling options would benefit students’ wellbeing. This year, Chevalier College has trialled a four-day school week, meaning students from years 10-12 can undertake classes online on Mondays. Additionally, the school’s revised educational approach “Future Facing” supports “Face to Face Learning, Best Use of Time, Flipped Learning and Wellbeing” to prepare students for the outside world (Chevalier College, 2023).
I think it’s ironic that I finished high school and decided to pursue a degree in journalism, a career centred on speaking to random people. I really enjoy socialising now and would voluntarily share my thoughts in university tutorials, something I couldn’t fathom doing in high school.
Beyond Blue
“Social anxiety disorder (also called social phobia) is when you experience intense anxiety about social situations or performing in front of others.
You might fear being judged, criticised, laughed at or humiliated in front of others, even in everyday situations. For example, eating in front of others at a restaurant might cause anxiety.”
Support Services
Kids Helpline: kidshelpline.com.au or call 1800 55 1800 (5-25 years)
ReachOut: reachout.com.au (under 25s)
SANE Australia: sane.org or call 1800 187 263 (18+ years)
Lifeline: A 24-hour crisis service: lifeline.org.au or call 13 11 14 (all ages)
Talk to your local doctor/ General Practitioner (GP) or you can search for a health service and GP on Head to Health.
Luka Russell
